Version 1.1 March 2010

6. PERSONAL PRACTICE

6.0 What can we learn for our personal practices?

 

We need to make choices on what to do every second of every day.

Based on our understanding and insight from all the other areas of knowledge, we choose what practical actions we will take.  Can we offer any useful guidelines:

       How should we choose what to do?  What values will guide our choices?

        How do we best look after ourselves?

        How should we manage sexual relationships, what rules do we follow?

        What are the major issues in family life?

        How do we manage relationships at work, with colleagues, employers, employees, clients, suppliers, shop keepers, voluntary groups, sports clubs?

        Is there any room, any sensible place, for spirituality, in a modern world?

We all need to consider each of these major areas as we go through life.

Can we say anything useful, based on the analysis we have to date, what we have learned from philosophy, science, history, religion and the arts?

 

6.1 Methods of Personal Practice

We make choices that affect our lives and reflect our values: choices about philosophical dilemmas reflect core values; using guidelines based on science and history telling us what is effective reflects secondary values; and our experience and understanding of the best of religion, art and culture help us to express these issues.

 

6.1 Conclusions on Values and Ethical Choices                                            Statement 30)

Philosophy, science, history, religion and the arts inform us we make our choices:

             Science and history show us our part in the universal narrative, as the universe, life and everything evolves; they help us to know how things came to be as they are, what is real, what can be changed, how things work, and what has been tried;

             Selections from various religions and art and culture help us to discover and express what our role is, and to be aware of life’s mystery, immensity, unity, complexity, beauty and awe, and feel reverence, gain a sense of perspective, of belonging;

             But science and history, religion and art, do not, by themselves or together, help us to determine our core values or ethical choices;

             We must face up to the fundamental dilemmas that we must live with: we still do in reality make choices on the path to follow, and these reflect our core values;

             We must make these choices with the humility that comes from uncertainty, knowing other people’s mental processes, and ours, are subject to the laws of nature, limited by circumstances;

             We choose to value the truth, to treat people and other sentient beings with compassion, to assign responsibility when it is effective, to accept the need for mercy;

             Action with respect to non-sentient objects is relevant only to the extent that it impacts on sentient beings.  It does not matter to the rock if I crush it.  It may matter to the bug that lives under the rock, or to the local indigenous people if I dig up and crush too many of them and devastate the landscape.

             Values such as truth, compassion, responsibility and mercy must inform our interpretation of religion texts, guide our understanding of science and history, and influence how we participate in the media and arts.

             The philosophical, scientific and historical methods require us to be open, transparent and honest.  All religions have honesty as a core value and all should value openness.

             The simple negative principles are:

                      don’t murder, torture, rape, enslave, deceive or steal;

               but we should positively support

                      Security, Liberty, Respect, Honesty, Control, Sexuality, Parenthood, Property,

                      Generosity, Fairness, Equality, Curiosity, Wonder and Enjoyment,

             Suffering can be caused by

                      fear, desperation, stupidity, ignorance,

                      thoughtlessness, insanity or selfishness,

               and my reaction to these should be

                      empowerment, equity, support, education,

                      self control and discipline, medical help and forgiveness.

             How can we know this works?  It does not always lead to simplistic happiness.  It does lead to greater contentment, satisfaction, integration, and it may lead to also feeling connected to life, the universe, truth, goodness, beauty and love.

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6.2 Personal Integration

From moment to moment, we are continually making existential choices based on our situation, experience, knowledge, planning ability and feelings, and we are more effective, happier and fulfilled if we our choices are authentic, integrated and consistent, realistically addressing our physical and mental needs.

 

6.2 Conclusions on Personal Integration                                                         (Statement 31)

             We need to attend to our daily physical and emotional needs, to live, to find food and water, shelter, clothing, seek medical and legal help when required, consistently with behaving well, with regard to ourselves, as we grow, learn, deal with our mortality, and when nothing can be done, accept our fate (inshallah).

             Obesity is becoming a major global health problem for the affluent, not just in “the West” but in the rising middle classes in developing countries.  It is fixed by regular exercise and eating properly.  Regular exercise is about 1 hour at least 3 times a week.  Eating properly means a balanced diet, where possible including fruit and vegetables, low in fat and low in sugar, and with no more than about 300 grams of red meat per week.  To lose weight you must eat less: you will feel hungary; people who tell you otherwise are not telling the truth.

             Recreational drug use has been a problem since the dawn of history – even chimpanzees like to get intoxicated on fermenting fruit – but the problem may be getting worse as societies become more affluent.  The biggest problem by far is cigarette smoking and the second biggest problem is alcohol. Other drugs such as marijuana, LSD, opium, cocaine, heroin, speed and ecstasy are less significant.  Everyone who smokes should give up immediately.  Virtually all (legal) action taken to reduce cigarette smoking is justified.  It is best not to drink any alcohol, but if you do, it is best to have at least 3 days a week without it, and avoid excess.  Other recreational drugs may be OK in moderation but many can become psychologically or physically addictive: some people get hooked, consume too much and destroy their lives.  It would be more effective if these were treated as public health (or medical) issues rather than criminal matters.

             We need to learn what is possible and what is not, based on science and history, accept our physical and animal natures, accept our natural compassion (and those who have little compassion must decide whether to behave as if they do), and learn how to integrate all aspects of ourselves, particularly desires to be different, creative, loving where these don’t impinge on others.

             Plans must be based on reality – for a career, hobbies, projects, marriages, children etc.  Too many people seem to live in a fantasy world.  We must recognise our personal strengths and shortcomings.  Success does not just come from an act of will (as many American movies would have you believe).  A strong will may help you obtain the knowledge and learn the skills required.  But if you don’t have the inherent capability then you should try for another role.

             In reality, there often seem to be not many times in our lives when we can make one-off choices that make a big difference.  We can at best choose to follow up a desirable direction, or perhaps the least worst path, when the opportunity arises.  Most of our hard decisions, to control our weight, to pursue our career, to maintain our cool, to be good, have to be repeated second by second until they become second nature.

             We choose the path of authenticity, explore the truth, follow the compassionate path.

             We can be reasonable and still have spiritual or mystical experiences, without invoking anything supernatural or transcendent.  Many of us will benefit from mediation.  We can commune with nature. We can commune with other people in group settings or one to one.  We need rites of passage – for birth, maturity, marriage, death, etc.  Spiritual practices – where the spirit is the naturalist thing that thinks or acts, not a supernatural being – can help to satisfy the need to commune with inexpressible , the absolute, the All, which is beyond word, the “oceanic feeling” (as Freud called it) that we can get looking at the stars.

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6.3 Relationships

Sexual relationships can lead to heights of ecstasy and union with the other but also to disappointment and exposing our selfish drives and insecurities, so they must be based on the truth, openness to those affected, respect, responsibility and consent; but otherwise how people share themselves with each other is their concern only.

 

6.3 Conclusions on Personal Relationships                                                    (Statement 32)

Non-sexual friendships are not too controversial: we should be honest, loyal and helpful to our friends.  When the friendship fades, as most do, we treat it with respect.  If the friendship lasts then value it and foster it – make sure you acknowledge your affection for each other.

Sexual relations, which are the most personal, are the most difficult. 

             Sexual relations involve emotions and a responsibility to consider the emotions of others.  We cannot be totally responsible for others feelings.  We must be open, honest and truthful. 

             We must also manage our own emotions.  We should be careful to get involved if we might be unable to take the consequences.  We must control emotions such as jealousy and envy.  Sexual violence and domestic is never justified.

             Freely consenting sexual relations are consistent with the values we have chosen.  Regardless of gender or age or relationship, providing consent is effective, whatever we do is probably OK.  For any explicit sexual activity there must be a statutory age of consent.  For consent to be valid there must be the safe possibility of not consenting without adverse consequences.  If someone is vulnerable by their position (teacher-student, doctor-patient) or temporary circumstances (drunk), keep sex out of it.

             Monogamous relationships are the default understanding, but how people manage their lives is up to them, providing there is mutual respect and transparency to all who have a right to be concerned.

             The world is over populating.  No baby should be conceived that is not wanted.  Access to legal and safe contraception is essential, and must be used if there is any possibility of conceiving an unwanted child.  Catholic popes and priests who advise that contraception, especially condoms, should not be used are criminal.

             It is reasonable for society to have some (minimal) restrictions on the open depiction of sex, to protect children and allow parents to manage their child’s introduction to sex.  This may not mean censorship of the internet, but could mean appropriate labelling of content and facilities to restrict access.  It does not mean legalisation or enforcement of restrictive dress codes for women, but does allow for basic dress standards for both men and women for some situations, such as public transport.

             Within these constraints, who has what sort of sex with whom, where and when, is no-ones business except those directly involved.  Homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, heterosexual is OK. 

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6.4 Family Relationships

Family relationships, growing up with parents and siblings, raising children, and supporting elderly parents can be an immense joy and/or a huge trial, but must be based on respect, compassion and responsibility, with the added ties of kinship, shared history and indirect, reciprocal social duties, and we must avoid abuse.

 

 

6.4 Conclusions on Family Relationships                                                        (Statement 33)

We can propose guidelines for family life based on these principles.  These may be controversial so we need to stick to those which are evidence based.

             A “family” here covers a marriage (not necessary a man and a woman, not necessarily restricted to only 2 people) and may involve children.

             A marriage is a commitment to live as a unit, sharing property and resources, providing emotional support, with some understanding on sexual relationships – the default being monogamous sex.

             The world is over populating.  No child should be born that is not wanted.  No adults should have sex without contraception when there is a possibility a child could be conceived unless those adults want a child.  Contraception must be freely available.

             Access to legal and safe abortion is essential, otherwise it happens illegally and dangerously, causing as much or more harm.  Contraception must be promoted, especially to the young, and used, to minimize the need for abortion.

             After they are born, children are entitled to proper care, feeding, free education, medical care, and freedom from abuse.  It is appropriate for other family members, governments and other organizations to monitor child welfare, and interfere when required.

             Siblings growing up together generally develop strong bonds – not all positive.

             Parents who have done their best to raise their children well are entitled to expect their adult children will take some effort to look after them in their old age.

             It is admirable that people also look after other elderly relatives, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles.

             In all societies it is normal for adults to care for their children, siblings, elderly parents and other relatives when they are in need, and it is reasonable to support this.  However some people are unable, or unwilling for justifiable reasons, to provide such help, so the proper degree of coercion or cultural pressure to look after one’s family can be debated, and must allow for case by case judgments.

             In many cases, unfortunately, adults abuse their children, siblings, parents or other elderly relatives, and in these case intervention by society is justified.

             It is appropriate for governments and other organizations to support families, providing it does not involve improper discrimination (on the basis of sex or sexual preference) or impose further abuses, and it is evidence based, open and transparent, and progressive (supporting the poor more than the rich).

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6.5 Community Relationships

Except for a very few, community involvement is fulfilling (in daily commerce, paid and voluntary work, sporting groups, civil society and community festivals), but must be based on core values such as respect, truth, compassion and responsibility, reflected in politeness, consideration, professional ethics and a sense of duty.

 

6.5 Conclusions on Community Relationships                                                           (Statement 34)

We can use our analysis to devise guidelines for dealing with people outside or core personal relationships and families, based on core values such as respect, truth, compassion and responsibility, reflected in politeness, consideration, professional ethics and a sense of duty.

          We need to work, either in our own business or farm, or with an employer.  Those unable to work are entitled to support to a reasonable standard of living from the rest of society.  Those able but unwilling are entitled to minimal, very basic, support.

          As employees we should do a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay.

          As employers we should pay a fair day’s wage for a fair day’s work.

          As employers we must be responsible for the welfare of our employees while at work.

          As individuals we are responsible for our impact on the environment, and must do whatever we can to minimize adverse effects and maximize good outcomes.

          As producers we must be responsible for the impact of our products on society.

          As consumers we must be responsible for the goods and services we choose.

          Involvement in local sporting associations, youth groups, and service organisations is good, to provide connections to other people, constructive activity and exercise.

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6.6 Spiritual Practice

People are naturally more or less inclined to have and to value spiritual experiences, which must be interpreted in the light of what we know now, but can involve a sense of awe and wonder or unity with life and the universe, and they help us overcome our sense of insignificance, powerlessness and fear of death, of ourselves and others.

 

6.6 Conclusions on Spirituality``                                                                                    (Statement 35)

Different people are naturally more or less inclined to have and to value ‘spiritual’ experiences, which must be interpreted in the light of what we know now:

             Our spirit is what we imagine to be something like the core of our personality, (though it is a completely natural process that ends with our death) so a spiritual experience is one that touches us deeply but may be hard to express in words;

             Spiritual experiences are psychologically normal, experienced by many people, by some people only rarely and by others more often, and may include

                      a sense of losing your ego and uniting with the All;

                      feeling a comforting “presence”;

                      outer body or near death experiences;

             and these can arise in medical emergencies or during meditation, yoga, prayer, chanting, other calming repetitious practices, or apparently quite spontaneously;

             many of us can have ‘spiritual experiences’ as we listen to music, dance into oblivion. ‘commune’ with nature (eg on bush walks or surfing), or as we get totally engrossed in all sorts of art and entertainment;

             and science is developing explanations of why we have these experiences, so there is no reason to take these as evidence for anything supernatural, gods,  ghosts, universal minds, cosmic goodness, or some kind of godly “force”;

             but they can have a profound effect on us, causing a sense of awe and wonder, making us reflect on the nature of reality and the self and their connections;

             and it is reasonable and valid to seek out such authentic spiritual experiences, if as individuals we are so inclined;

             and it is reasonable to seek this out with other people in group settings or one to one; 

We have an emotional need for communal celebrations, which can be conducted rationally without stretching our credulity or making us squirm:

        for rites of passage at birth, birthdays, maturity, marriage and death,

        for periodic expressions of our hopes for the future: new years, various seasonal events,

        to express gratitude for others and our communities:

children’s days, mothers’ days, fathers’ days, national days;

And also, each action that is consistent with these global beliefs can be a spiritual act:

●.            Seeking the evidence before we make a judgment,

             Looking at the consequences of our behaviour rather than following just rules;

             Keeping in touch with reality;

             Being considerate and polite to all we have dealings with;

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Part 6 Personal Practice: Conclusions

We can use our analysis of philosophy, science, history religion and art to develop guideline for our personal behaviour.

          In our day to day lives, from moment to moment, we make choices that reflect our values, based on our situation and our experience, and what we understand.  The values we adopt and our understanding of the world impact on our

            -         personal integrity,

            -         sexual relationships,

            -         family relationships,

            -         relationships in the wider community and

            -         spiritual lives.

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