6.0.5 Family Relationships - Overview

Version 1.2 December 2013                                                        (Previous Version)

We can work out a set of reasonable guidelines for dealing with family life, based on our conclusions in philosophy, science, history, religion and culture, and the values we have adopted.

Marriage is a choice.  A forced marriage is not legitimate and equates to slavery.

Marriage involves two (or perhaps more) adults sharing their life and property, in which sexual relations would be normal but not obligatory.  The state may properly be involved to enforce contracts related to property and the care of children.  Marriage contracts generally assume sexual fidelity, but, as discussed in the chapter on personal relationships, this can perhaps be negotiated.  Marriages may be authorised by law, custom or a religion, or be simply “de facto�.  The commitment must be strong– sharing worldly goods, in sickness and in health, for better or worse.

Family relationships arise when children arrive.  The world is threatened by over population, and caring for children takes a lot of parental effort and social cost, so it is irresponsible for adults to have unplanned or unwanted children.  Widespread family planning is essential for our survival.

We care for our children, siblings and parents for a variety of reasons, including simple compassion for others, which is enhanced by familiarity and genetic similarity.  All societies impose rules on us to look after our children at least, and most expect us to care for our siblings and parents.  Many religions advocate for the care of widows and orphans.  The mere fact that such rules are so universal does not of itself mean we should follow them, but a society that does so leads to greater happiness and personal fulfilment.  It is reasonable for us to choose to do so.

Children are our ultimate investment in the future.  The overriding objective of parenting must be to produce healthy, sane, educated, aware, compassionate, young people who can then lead productive and fulfilled lives, while preserving the health and sanity of the parent(s).  It is appropriate for society to make laws and establish institutions to promote these goals.  Raising children is fraught with difficulties.  Despite parents’ best intentions, children are often very different from their parents and may choose different paths.

We must use our learnings from Part 2 (Science) and Part 3 (History) to work out guidelines for effective parenting (including effecting values and advice that actually works), acknowledging that much of the media advice proffered is unrealistic in its goals and analysis.  In the detail sections we try to present guidelines that are supported by mainstream child experts.

As children mature and become productive adults, and parents become less productive, ill or frail, the direction of net service delivery in the family changes away from parent to child towards child to parent.  The overriding objective (of childering?) is to treat the elderly with compassion and respect, so that they can lead fulfilled lives, to the degree practical.  The parents must look after themselves as best as they can, and accept the help provided by their children with good grace.

   more                                                                            Statement 32

Family relationships are based on values such as love, responsibility and hope.